St. Patty’s Day

Finally it’s St. Patrick’s Day! It feels like a week’s long celebration as the the festivities started Saturday.

It was my turn to ride in the annual St. Patrick’s Day parade for work. No matter that I’m not Irish. But they said I could ride in a convertible. I’m a sucker for a cool car! Maybe because mine has lots of duct tape on it.

It was a morning of mostly waiting. We get there and are directed to an area where we sat and waited. After an hour of that I got bored and told the promo staff I was heading out for snacks.

That was an interesting trip. First I got caught behind a group of Irish Dancers. One of like 20 different troupes there. They wear these wigs with really tight curls so they all kinda look alike.

Perfect. We were by the mall and there was a Walgreens I could stop at. First, I had to take a quick stop to the bathroom Nothing like having to hold your pee for 3 hours. Man, that place was gross. Naturally with a choice of 10 stalls I pick the one with someone else’s turd. C’mon. Why can’t people just flush their own crap? St Patrick would not approve.

Then I hear a very husky voice 2 stalls down, “I gotta find somewhere to sit my fat ass down.” Thanks for sharing. Does she mean the toilet is too small for her butt? She goes on. “I’m not sittin‘ on a dirty f—ing curb to watch the parade.”

Let me get this straight. You cuss like a sailor but you are worried about getting your oversized butt dingy? You make me laugh smoker voice lady.


Ahhh Walgreens! Got some sodas and a candy bar. And don’t forget something green. Gotta have that. Maybe then people will believe I’m Irish too. I found some green clover looking thing to wear around my neck.

I head back to the station vehicle. I tell the promo people that I still don’t see the convertible I am supposed to ride in. I decide to give the parade organizer guy a call. To my surprise he answers. “I’m not sure we will have a car for you to ride in.” I tell him I saw convertibles on the block west of where we are. He then says, “Oh, those are for celebrities. You know people with faces people recognize.” Well, thanks for reminding me that I have a face for radio. Why not just say, “Yeah, your kinda unattractive and we don’t want to scare the crowds.”

Whatever. We’ve got station vehicle, so I just stayed in that. Plus, I could yack it up with Sara from promotions and crank the heat.

Almost and hour and a half after we arrive we start taking off. The male Irish Dancers are ahead of us so we have to make sure to keep our distance. This is not the place to run over a guy in a kilt.

As we start off, we can see blocks of people lined up waving and cheering. We brought gum to throw to the crowd, but it’s lightweight and hard as hell to throw. I kept throwing it just near horse poop. Nice.

At one point there was like 10 block of really rowdy onlookers. They were pretty funny. I mean green hair, green clothes, dogs dressed in green, “Kiss me I’m Irish” t-shirts. One guy had this really bad green suit with huge beads around his neck. He was like an Irish pimp!

The crowd was really into the gum. And we had to keep stopping to let the Michale Flatly dudes do their thing. Every time we did people would come up to the car and ask for gum. One lady gave me an can of Guinness in return. Now I was feelin‘ the love!

We finally get to the point of the parade wear Charles and the boys were so I jumped out of the car to give them a hug. My youngest had his arms open. My oldest just said, “Where’s the gum?” Good to see you too! I gave him gum and a kiss to my husband and I was back in the car.

The thickest part of the parade was near some Irish bars downtown. It wasn’t even 2:00 and the party was in full swing. People were raising their bottles and cups to us, beer splashing over the edge. They were dancing (or trying to) and yelling out to us. They were having fun. They were drunk. Isn’t there a law about open alcoholic beverages on City streets?

The parade finally ends and I meet up with Charles and the boys. Oh but Oh the fun isn’t over. We head over to my friend Maggie’s house for their neighborhood parade. Ellen, Ann Marie and Amy are there too.

I’m not sure how much longer I can take all the Irish dance troupes. I know it takes skill, but the wigs are weirding me out.

The highlight of this parade was watching a lady who could well be in her 70’s on the other side of the street. She was hugging and kissing anything that would look her way. She was hanging all over the strolling Disney characters. Sylvester the cat got the worst of it. Poor guy-can’t imagine there is enough money in the world to want to be slobbered on a woman in depends.

At one point she lifted up her shirt to someone in the parade to get some green beads. Kinda like in New Orleans. Only she wasn’t 21 and far from perky.

We had a great time back at Maggie’s. Hadn’t seen Amy in ages and she hadn’t changed a bit. Ann Marie brought these chocolate yummy treats. Why do thin people torture me like that? Ellen brought her girls which is cool, because they helped out with our younger ones.

We reminisced about college. Something about someone dragging in a blinking street construction piece to the dorms. I had nothing to do with it. Maggie told us she was painting her dining room-again.

So yesterday my youngest tells me about the leprechaun that came to his class room. He said he messed up the room and left the kids candy. I must thank his teacher. So now on top of Santa, St. Nick, and the Tooth fairy I have a creepy guy in knickers bringing stuff to my kid! At bedtime he crept downstairs to see if the Leprechaun left anything. I could feel a nightmare coming on.

So… today is the day. And the forecast is for the low 70’s. You don’t have to Irish and you don’t even have to wear green. But shame on you if you can’t join the fun for just one day.

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