50 things from 50 Years

Here are some things I’ve been compiling in my head for a while.  I’m not even going to tell you this stuff is useful for you. No worries-make your own list.  Or don’t. ME.jpg


1. Never use Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups in s’mores. The only time I disagree with integration. Too many competing flavors.  Try it if you must-you’ve been warned.

2. Arranged marriages seem like a bad idea-until you’re a mother of a teenaged boy.

3. Life is not fair. Not even close.

4. Thong underwear is not comfortable.  Disagree? Okay, stop by and I’ll give you mine.

5. Not all black people’s hair is the same. And please don’t touch it.

6. Not all white people like mayo. Like maybe 98% though.

7. Soccer cleats smell like sour milk and cat piss. Don’t believe me? Send me your address and I’ll send you a cleat.

8. A good life can quite possibly be measured by opportunities and relationships. Be open to both.

9. You do not need to do yoga to wear yoga pants.

10. If it’s really funny you’ll pee your pants.

11. People are comforted knowing they’re not alone in how they feel. Assure them they’re not. Go on…

12. Stick with friends who get you. I mean really get you.

13. Love what you do or who you do it for. If you can do both… you’ve struck gold.

14. My family is beyond amazing.  Just had to get past the teen years to see it.

15. It is never a bad time to tell someone you love them.

16. You will actually use math more than you said  you would in third grade.

17. The carpool line at school has its own set of rules. It is not governed by God, the government, or a neighborhood association. Get on board or get out of the line. It’s that simple.

18. As nice as it sounds not everyone is an artist. My mother was an artist. Trust me on this one.

19. Perfection is overrated, impossible, and too damn much work.

20. You’re not buying the cookies to support The Girl Scouts.  No, you’re buying the cookies because you have an addiction to crunchy, sugary snacks -and they happen to sell some of the best ones.

21. TV dinners were the shit.

22. One size fits all is genius.

23. “I’ll give you something to cry about”. Wait. What?? I was already crying.

24. Warmth has no fashion (borrowed from a friend). Your leggings (as cute as they are) won’t do a thing when it’s so cold your skin hurts.

25.Most things can be worked out with chocolate.

26. People are not invisible. Let others know you see them.

27. We all bring gifts to this world. You might not ever realize what your gifts are. Just know others appreciate them.

28. Children throwing fits can be annoying. Adults doing the same is unacceptable.

29. You are worthy.

30. 7 years to digest gum? So,who tracks that?

31. No one passes gas. They fart. No one is passing anything. Releasing, maybe. Passing?Nah.

32. Say sorry when you’re wrong. Unless, of course you’re not wrong.

33. Be nice to old people-we’re all headed that way.

34. Learn to swim and drive a stick shift. When you need those skills, you’ll be grateful you did.

35. Why go to movies if you can’t eat popcorn? No, really.

36. Forgive. Or at least try.

37. Thank people.

38. More expensive doesn’t equate being better. Except for toilet paper.

39. The English language is confusing. Colonel, Wednesday, February. See what I mean?

40. No one wears their bridesmaid dress after they stand up in a wedding. Be a good friend-buy the ill-fitting shiny dress and skip Starbucks for a year to pay for it. And not a word when they get divorced.  Not one effing word.

41. They’re bison. Not buffalo.

42. Stop judging so much. Oh wait, you are a judge??? My bad.

43. Don’t squash someone’s passion. It’s not nice and virtually impossible.

44. Believe in Heaven. Just in case.

45. The shortcomings of our parents do not need to be those of our own.

46. Having a virus doesn’t make you a bad person. Neither does having mental illness.

47. One foot is always bigger than the other. That’s all good until you wear pointy-toed shoes.

48. We’re worlds apart, yet closer than we know.

49. Telling anxious people to calm down pretty much won’t work.

50. Telling me to be quiet? Oh, that’s a good one!







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